Can't Change People

How do you help people who don't want to be helped? This week we're Off Balance On Purpose in Boston.

When you say you're trying to help someone who doesn't want help, what you're really saying is, "I'm trying to change someone who doesn't want to change. You see it as assistance. They see it as interference. Either way, I'm sorry, it's not likely to happen.

This relates to job performance and self improvement, and also addiction, destruction, and just really bad choices. It's so hard to see bad things happen to people. And when those are people you care about, it can break your heart and spirit. Some of life's stories are heroic and inspiring., and others are tragic and truly sad. But you don't write the plot twists, or the endings. So when you can't change the person, what can you do, other than watch?

The answer is, I don't know either, and every situation is unique. But here are some thoughts that may help.

1. Accept Reality. There's only so much you can do. Face facts, and manage your expectations.

2. Lead with Love. It's counter productive to project anger and judgement while trying to help someone.

3. Open Invitations. If today's answer is "No, I don't want your help," let them know what to do if that changes.

4. Get Educated. Especially when mental illness or addiction is involved, the more you can learn, the better.

5. Keep Belief. Reflect the positive image you see in someone so they may see it in themselves. Even though it's out of your control, change, and even miracles do happen.

And mainly, I want to encourage you to guard your own health and wellness, because you can't help someone unless you do. Let your life be an example others can learn from, especially when you need to change. Until next week, stay Off Balance On Purpose.