Alone We Die Connected We Live

So many of us are feeling disconnected and alone these days. Dr. Richard Dobbins has a quote that I love, which is, “Alone we die, connected we live.”

I wrote this article before the quarantine started, and now, it’s so timely.

When I talk about being alone throughout this article, I’m referring to the kind of loneliness that makes you feel the unfulfilled ache in your soul. You feel empty and unnoticed.

I know there are times we need to “come apart,” so we don’t “fall apart.”

Taking time to be alone for some time to refresh your soul is as important as eating the kind of food that nourishes your body. Reflecting and taking inventory of your life’s purpose is necessary.

The kind of alone I’m referring to is unhealthy and can be a result of pain, abuse, rejection, trauma, or feeling abandoned.

This loneliness can put you on a downward spiral of hopelessness.

You start thinking thoughts like:
No one likes me.
Why am I always alone?
I’m never invited to the party.
Does anyone notice me?
Does anyone care?

There’s a line in a song I used to sing -- “There’s not a thing in this whole wide world that’s worse than being alone.”

This type of loneliness doesn’t discriminate. You can feel alone in a stadium, a packed church service, at the peak of success, or every family gathering.

May I be real, vulnerable, and completely transparent?
When I felt this type of “alone,” I secretly wanted to be a bad girl for the first time in my life. I told my sister-in-law those exact words -- “I want to be a bad girl.”

I was serious but didn’t know how to be a bad girl. At the time, I was 45 years old, and my life was falling apart on the inside while on the outside, I was extremely successful.

I remember the conversation with my sister-in-law while we sat in my living room, and I lamented my losses.

She responded by saying, “Anne, you don’t want to be a bad girl, and you really don’t want to leave Jonas.”

But I did want those things. I wanted something to make me feel good. The emptiness of loneliness depleted me in the middle of great success. My loneliness led to desperation.

I was a business owner, but I felt alone.
I was successful, but I felt alone.
I was a leader, but I felt alone.
I was involved in my church and community, but I felt alone.

I had experienced great pain and great success. It was challenging to manage both at the same time. I lost sight of the truth that Jesus spoke -- “I will never leave you.”

I created distance between me and others, which created loneliness. I could not reconcile my internal life with my external life.

All of us live two lives--the external life that everyone sees and knows and the internal life that is known only to you and God.

If our external life is showing everyone how good we are and our internal life is struggling to live a good life, there is a great conflict. The wider the gap between the two, the greater the struggle. As we live this double life, we lose who we are, and in comes the loneliness.

There are no boundaries to loneliness. The very wealthy and the very poor can feel the pangs equally.

Recently I noticed someone alone while I was walking around a shopping area in Florida. This man walked his bicycle and was homeless. I passed by him on three different occasions, and each time I felt compassion towards him. Secretly, I wished I could help him in some small way but dismissed it and doubted my ability to help a lonely man.

I eventually grabbed an outside table at a restaurant, and a few minutes later, this man parked his bicycle near where I was sitting. This was the fourth time I saw him within an hour.

I felt uncomfortable sitting so close, but very quickly, I once again wished I could help him.

It was apparent he was not well and began asking the server very loudly for a drink. She paid no attention to him.

I had a glass of water that I hadn’t touched, so I walked over and gave it to him.

He immediately stopped yelling, smiled, and said, “thank you.”

I asked the server if she would serve him and give him whatever he wants. She was more than happy to do so. He ate his food and calmed down.

When I left, I went to say goodbye and told him, “God sees you, God cares for you, and God loves you.”

That line doesn’t feel like it’s enough when you’re looking at someone who is so alone.

He looked up at me with the most tender eyes. At that moment, I felt like I was looking into the eyes of Jesus. His eyes locked with mine and filled with tears. For a moment, I felt drawn into this man’s lonely existence. He responded with tears and a smile and said, “Thank you, ma’am. Thank you.”

I can’t erase the face of this man. In that one single moment, I connected with someone who was completely alone.

It only takes a moment to give dignity, respect, and value to someone who goes unnoticed. I believe for one moment, just one moment, this man felt connected.

Alone we die. Connected, we live. We are created to connect. Live with your eyes wide open, and you’ll see opportunities to connect with the most lonely among us.

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