Fight For Your Kids

May 05, 2020

Jennie Allen

Bible teacher, founder of IF:Gathering

This is a dream for me. It is a dream for me to talk about this next generation, because my heart bleeds out for our kids. Kids of every age - infant to college. There is an absolute war for their minds. The number one question we've gotten as you have read Get Out Of Your Head is how this applies to your kids.

You might be reading this because you're a youth worker, you're a teacher, you're discipling kids, or you're a parent. Whatever the reason, we can agree there is a war for their mind. This generation coming doesn't argue that. They don't wonder if they are under attack - they can feel it. They see it in their friends. Our society talks about anxiety, depression, fears, and worries a lot. Kids are also under a lot of pressure - beyond anything we really can imagine. A lot of this has to do with the internet. We are all built with a capacity to care for a certain number of people and problems. We are not built to care for the entire world. So for a kid with a cell phone, they're made aware of those problems in their city, neighborhood, state, and world. They hear from hundreds, even thousands of other people on a daily basis. They're carrying a lot of pressure, a lot of people's opinions, and a lot of people's burdens.  

So what does it look like to fight for our kids? We have to take this so seriously. We have to get our game on and be zealots for our kids' minds. We cannot passively expect our kids to be healthy. We have to realize they're under attack every single day in every single direction. They are being attacked from pressure to measure up, get into a certain school, have a boyfriend or girlfriend, look a certain way, be cool, and fit in. Someone else isn't going to take responsibility for the minds of your kids - it's our job. Whether they're your niece, nephew, your own kids, students, however they've gotten into your life. Those are our kids and we have to fight for them.  

Some of the best parenting advice I ever heard was to parent with the end in mind. We picture releasing our kids into the world and who we want them to be. As we go through life, we're going to help instill those things in them. How does that change the way we parent? I recently posted on Instagram about the things we care about and the things we don't. I'm just going to put it here too. You might have a different list, but here's ours. Here are the things we never took too seriously: eating vegetables, making beds, being invited to stuff, being the best at bedtimes, mistakes, grades, routines, expectations. But things we have taken seriously are confession, respect, liking each other, loving Jesus, dreams, stewardship, fun, self control, and Shark Tank. We watch a lot of Shark Tank. I also wrote this - I'm a great mom, but I'm not great at everything. Know your non-negotiables and let a lot else go. I think that's how we have to approach this. 

We have to take some things very seriously - our kids need structure, a plan, and to know what it looks like to be a thriving adult. Some expectations are healthy. But when there's too many and when we aren't actually thinking about the end goal, that's where we lose them. They don't know what it means to win. You have to decide what kind of human you're raising and who you want them to be in the world. Not what college they attend or job you want them to have. For me it's simple: I want them to know they are liked by God. I want them to know they're liked by us. I want them to like us and I want them to like God. After that it's a bunch of negotiables. I want our family to like each other, like God, and to know God likes us. I've launched two kids into the world and with those two kids, we've got that down. The other two are still in process, and they don't like us everyday. But when we launch them, we want them to know we liked them, we delighted over them, we smiled at them more than we scowled, that we celebrated more than we were disappointed. 

We do scowl and we are disappointed sometimes, but the large majority of our home functions around delight and enjoyment of each other. Kids desire to be liked, not just loved. We desire to be the apple of somebody's eye. We don't want to just have forced love over our lives. Liking your kids not just because they're your kids, but because of who they are. That safety goes a long way. 

When my kids were five, three, and a newborn, I had a vision to create a resource for parents that could help us give our little kids a big view of God. My seminary days were in the midst of little kids, and I would go to class and learn all this theology that was changing my life. I was understanding God in new ways and my mind was being blown. I wanted nothing more than to give my kids that experience. I wanted to give them a huge faith, a deep appreciation and love for the depth of beauty and mystery of God. There's so much to know about God, but we've relegated what we teach our kids to stories acted out by vegetables. Those things are good, but they're not God. My dream was to build tools and books and resources that would capture kids' imaginations and cause them to want God from such a young age. I wanted them to have a proper view of him and his love for them. So finally, after 15 years of having this dream, we are launching Theolaby. If you want this for your kids too, go to theolaby.com and you'll be able to put your email in and learn more about what's coming in June 2020. We're so excited about it and can't wait to go on this adventure with you. 

There's a verse that I talk a lot about in the book, and it's 2 Corinthians 10:3 where it says, "though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war against the flesh." I want to look at this verse in light of our kids. You have to look at your kids as someone that is under attack. Your kid is someone the enemy is fighting for. That's going to change your reactions to them. You're going to fight for them, rather than see them as the enemy or be frustrated with them as humans. We're not fighting our kids. We are fighting the enemy who's fighting for them. Paul tells us, "for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but have divine power to destroy. We destroy strongholds and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God and every thought we take captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience when your obedience is complete." 

How does that apply to our kids? Kids are vulnerable, but they also have the capacity for big faiths. They are dangerous for the kingdom as children. They have the capacity for huge faith and they are in their purest form. The other thing to remember is that we have weapons of warfare. Don't let your kids get sucked into whatever it is that is discouraging them. Fight for them, whether that's medicine or counseling or watching their inputs or protecting them from social media. Step up and set good boundaries and limitations. Your weapon of warfare may just be getting your kid to open up and confess. Confession is one of the healthiest things they can do. I've told my kids there are certain times, if they confess something, they will not get in trouble for whatever it is they say. If I sense in my gut that they are ashamed or they've got something on their mind they're not telling me, I try to build that really safe space where they know they're not about to get punished. That doesn't mean we're not going to walk through it together, or that there won't eventually be consequences if it continues, but we have to build spaces where our kids are safe. 

The bottom line is we have to be zealots for our kids. We have to be zealots for the next generation. We have to see them. We have to look them in the eyes. They have to know we care and that they're loved unconditionally. They have to know we are the safest places to share the hardest parts of their lives. They have to know we're their advocates. The more we can help them, the more we can be on their team. Every human needs a team. 

If you're wondering where to start these conversations with the kids in your lives, we made a free tool for you. You can get the Get Out of Your Head kids tool kit and it has a ton of free guides and conversation cards we've made specifically for kids.