When an Employee Needs Help With Interpersonal Communication
The bad news is that more and more managers tell us that employees are becoming so accustomed to communicating with people electronically, some are losing the ability to communicate well in-person. Despite their extensive practice in communicating electronically, a lot of employees are just as bad at e-communication as they are at in-person. The good news, so often simply the structure and substance of your regular ongoing dialogue with an employee will do much of the work of improving the situation.
What if that doesn’t do the trick? If you’ve been doing regular one-on-ones for several weeks and the structured communication is not teaching the individual better communication habits, then start focusing in your regular one-on-ones on improving the individual’s communication habits. Explain: “How you interact with others in the workplace has an important impact. You have room to improve your communication practices. I need you to start working on that and I am going to help you. Let’s start including that in our regular one-on-ones for the foreseeable future.”
Over the years we’ve helped many organizations develop clear standards for interpersonal communication – what I call a “code of conduct”—- based on this list of best practices:
• Listen twice as much as you talk.
• Never interrupt or let your mind wander when others are speaking. When it’s your turn, ask open-ended questions first and then increasingly focused questions to show you understand what the other person has said.
• Empathize. Always try to imagine yourself in the other person’s position.
• Exhibit respect, kindness, courtesy, and good manners.
• Always prepare in advance so you are brief, direct, and clear.
• Think of at least one potential solution , before trumpeting a problem.
• Take personal responsibility for everything you say and do.
• Don’t make excuses when you make a mistake, When you make mistakes, just apologize and make every effort to fix it.
• Don’t take yourself too seriously, but always take your commitments and responsibilities seriously.
• Always give people credit for their achievements, no matter how small.
I realize that this “code” is a set of very broad performance standards. But you should never underestimate the value of trumpeting them broadly and teaching them acutely.
We’ve identified the four most common interpersonal communication problems managers identify in their employees:
1. Employees who talk too much at the wrong times
2. Employees who regularly interrupt their colleagues (and you)
3. Employees with bad electronic communication practices
4. Employees who don’t know how to conduct themselves in meetings
Perhaps the most pernicious time-wasting occurs in team-meetings because when time is wasted in a team meeting the waste is multiplied by the number of people in the meeting. If an employee wastes ten minutes in a meeting of ten people, that is 100 minutes of productive capacity wasted! Out the window!! Youch!!! Teach all of your direct reports:
• Before attending any meeting or presentation, make sure you know what the meeting is about and whether your attendance is required or requested.
• Identify what your role in the meeting is: What information are you responsible for communicating or gathering? Prepare in advance: Is there any material you should review or read before the meeting? Are there any conversations you need to have before the meeting?
• If you are making a presentation, prepare even more. Ask yourself exactly what value you have to offer the group.
• If you are not a primary actor in the meeting, often the best thing you can do is say as little as possible and practice good meeting manners: Do not ‘multi-task,’ make unnecessary noise or activity, and stay focused on the business at hand.
• If you are tempted to speak up, ask yourself: is this a point that everyone needs to hear, right here and now? If you have a question, could it be asked at a later time, off-line?
• If you don’t have a clear role in the meeting and yet find yourself there anyway, try not to say a single word that will unnecessarily lengthen it.
Bruce Tulgan is an expert on working with young people. For information on how to bring him to speak at your next event, visit www.premierespeakers.com/bruce_tulgan.