Let's Talk about Disordered Eating with Isabelle Garza, RDN, LD
November 19, 2020
Jennie Allen
Bible teacher, founder of IF:Gathering
I have wanted to talk about what we're going to talk about today since I started the podcast. I see this as something that every single woman at some point in her life struggles with, but we don't talk about it enough.
I am so excited to introduce you to Isabelle Garza! She lives in Austin, TX. Isabelle, tell everybody a little bit about what you do.
Hi everyone! My name is Isabelle Garza and I am a registered dietitian and the owner and founder of Women Wise Nutrition. I specialize in the intersection of women's health and disordered eating. I see these two experiences play out in the clients that I see, whether it's struggling with fertility, hormone imbalances, endocrine disorders, very often there is an approach to those disorders that further perpetuates a disordered relationship with food. I come in to bring those two things together and allow women to approach their health in a way that doesn't compromise their relationship with food.
WHAT IS DISORDERED EATING?
Tell us your definition of disordered eating.
That's a big question! I think there's a lot of ideas of what disordered eating means and looks like. First and foremost, I want to be clear that you don't have an eating disorder diagnosis in order to be struggling with food. A lot of women invalidate their experience because they've never been diagnosed. There's such a spectrum when it comes to struggling with food and our bodies. Disordered eating really is a problem that starts from our heads and hearts - not just the food we put in our mouths. That's where the confusion can often come. People may think, "I'm not on a diet," but that's not what disordered eating is. It's this moralization about food. There's good foods and bad foods, and what ends up being sneaky is those good foods end up becoming a way for you to be a good person. Bad foods end up making you feel like a bad person. That's when guilt and shame can come in and disrupt how we feel in our bodies and how food feels in our bodies.
The way you talk about this makes you sound like you talk about this everyday, which I suspect you do. But everybody listening has never heard this category - or at least very, very few of us. When I heard it for the first time, it was such a powerful concept. It was one of the reasons I was so excited to do this episode because I look back at my life and I did struggle with an eating disorder. It was pretty intense and consuming in my mind. I definitely lost too much weight and it was affecting me physically, emotionally, spiritually, every which way. In my mind, although I never sought medical help for it, I definitely look back at that and would say that is a textbook eating disorder. Fast forward, I do experience so much freedom in this area. For a long time, I had a very clumsy relationship with food. I wasn't too thin anymore and I wasn't completely depriving my body, but I felt exactly what you're saying. I felt that guilt and shame and it totally got too much of my thought life. Then I fast forward some more and I experienced the freedom of this not being a consuming thing in my life at all. For anybody listening, whether you're in the middle of a full blown eating disorder or just disordered eating, it is possible to live a different way. I want to start this episode by saying that because I think it's important. I don't think I believed at that point in my life, certainly when it was happening, that I could change. I thought this was something I would just struggle with forever. I think it's important to know that there is help and a road forward. To those of us who would say we don't overly struggle with that right now, I think quarantine brought on a whole new game. What do we have to think about besides food?! Everybody learned to make bread. Everybody was eating more. Let's talk about what you've seen specifically in this season of the pandemic.
The biggest thing I see is that because so many things in our world and in our culture are out of our control, we seek something to feel in control. That is where food comes in, our bodies come in, and that is why it's so interesting that we end up obsessing about certain things when it comes to isolation and being in quarantine. What I'm seeing a lot of my clients struggling with is this fear about being home all the time, baking bread, what if they gain all this weight? That brings up a fear of what happens when I go back to work and people say that my body is different. Will they comment about it? What will they think about it? This conversation about a disordered relationship with food really ends up expanding beyond that. It starts expanding into our need for control. It turns into what people think about us and how we want to control that and how much we value how people see us. That's kind of the chaos in my world that has come out of the pandemic. It's this need for control and this shame and fear that what if our bodies change? When really, things are supposed to change over time. That's not a bad thing. But that need for control blinds us and makes us seek that.
Tell us a little bit about your story. How did you develop such a passion for this?
Like you Jennie, I have my own history with disordered eating. Mine started in college, it was summer of junior year. Out of nowhere, I gained a significant amount of weight and at that time, I wasn't hyper-focused about my food and body. I wasn't even aware that weight had come on. Unfortunately, a friend when they came back from the fall semester, made a comment about how I looked. I still hear what they said in such a clear way. What's so interesting is that it wasn't malicious. It was just unfortunately what people like to talk about in conversation! It's a conversation starter when people want to talk about something. Food and body always comes into that. They said something and that led me into a tailspin of micromanaging my food. I would exercise multiple times a day and it was all-consuming, Obviously that hurt my physical health. I was under-eating, my hair was falling out, my skin was peeling, but I ignored all that because I was so addicted to making sure my body would be in a smaller size. But really what suffered was my mental health. I'm not sure if you can relate, but that's such a big part of disordered eating that people don't look at. The anxiety, the loneliness, the isolation that comes with it is really debilitating. I suffered through that for many years until there was a series of events that brought me out of that. It was really just by God's grace that he was calling me and drawing me out of that darkness. I think one thing was I got a diagnosis of PCOS. It stands for polycystic ovarian syndrome. It's a metabolic and endocrine disorder. Women who have this disorder very often experience fluctuations in their weight due to hormone imbalances. That offered me some answers, but that didn't heal my disordered eating. I still had this brain that was so stuck on that. Then when I met my husband, it brought to light a lot of those ugly behaviors. When you're in an intimate relationship with someone, those things really come to the surface. He played a big part in me realizing this is not a life that I want to live. I have no space in my head to think about him, my family, his family, and it was really getting rid of all that. It was a cleansing process in order to fill my life with the greater things. Also to fulfill my greater purpose - not to just be obsessed about calories and exercise every single day.
I relate to that. I specifically was so bothered by how much brain space it took up. That was something at the time I didn't realize could change. I remember I was reading in scripture where it says "take every thought captive" in my big fat Life Application Bible, and I will never forget it. It was as if I've never seen that verse before. I thought, okay, maybe there is a way out of thinking about food all the time. For those of you that don't struggle with this, I just want to say a lot of women around you do. I want to say that it's important you keep listening, because if you don't struggle with this, you need to understand it. Your daughters at some point will walk through this. I've done it with both of my daughters. It was passing seasons for them because we fought it head on. It didn't take hold and grow into strongholds. I just think every woman at some point is faced with it. I think one of the big reasons is social media. I think that has made it so much worse. I can not imagine being in high school and college - that's when mine started too - I was a Razorback cheerleader at University of Arkansas and we had to weigh in every other week. If we gained more than 3 pounds, we would be benched. In college your body is changing, your hormones are changing, you're on your own to eat whatever, you're studying late, so of course I gained some weight that year. It turned into a control issue. I realized I could control it, and over the course of that year, it became a stronghold that was not easy to break even after cheerleading was over and I stopped weighing. It lasted into baby-bearing years and that was when I had to get a hold of it. Something had to change.
SOCIAL MEDIA, IDENTITY, AND DISORDERED EATING
Today, looking around, I could easily fall back into it if I look at Youtube and Instagram long enough. That's what I want to talk about next. How is social media affecting us and what should our protective measures be?
Unfortunately now, things are just so normalized. Those disordered eating behaviors are so ingrained in our culture that we glamorize and glorify it. You may have a friend you think is so healthy, works out all the time, meal preps, and you admire her for those behaviors. Maybe underneath there is such a disordered relationship with her body and her motivations to do those things are so tough and wearing on her. With social media and all these bodies you can have access to at the click of a button, there is so much comparison going on. The one thing I preach with disordered eating is you have to know where your value lies. This world will tell you that your value is in your body, your followers, how you look, how your clothes look, etc. As Christians, we need to know our value is way beyond that. Our value is said, done, and set in stone. It's not going to change based on the climate of our culture or what is trendy. Those things will always change and if our value is based on that, we are going to be thrown in a whirlwind everyday. So where do we find our foundation when it comes to our value?
I love what you're saying because I've seen this in all of my kids. I'm sure it's true of myself, but it's easier to see in other people. I've seen in my kids that something about identity will snap into place. It will also dislodge. It does both! It will do that depending on their circumstances. In 8th grade one of my kids had a bully and she just lost all her self-confidence. That fact of our identity being placed in our worthiness of being children of God is something that is so difficult to believe, understand, and actually put on. But, when it's there it really does change everything. You can walk through all of the chaos of this world and everything everyone is telling you to be and just laugh at it. That's what I watched when my kids had that security. Even if their circumstances didn't change, they would have a different attitude. It's not as easily dislodged. I think that's the goal we're talking about here. Now, I will say, a lot of identity for myself and for the people I love has come from struggle. It hasn't come from memorizing verses. It's usually when you've lost everything and you feel like you have no worth. You go to God and he gives you that! It's not just something you mentally ascend to, but it's something that takes over. What has that looked like for you in your life when you walked out of that season of struggling with this?
It's so necessary. I'm not immune to this, even though this is what I do for a living. I help people work through this everyday. The noise and the lies are everywhere! I can find myself so easily caught up in it. It's a slippery slope. You can have good intentions and it can still be an idol. For me, it's clinging onto where my value lies when I'm feeling that anxiety and overwhelm. I can feel it in me. I can feel that lack of security and my mind spiraling and trying to prove myself. That's because I'm relying on myself and my value of what I have to offer. The continual learning experience is understanding how much satisfaction Jesus gives me. This is what it's about! This is where I find security and peace. But then I see a shiny object and the cycle continues. But he always calls us back to him. It's an ongoing journey.
One thing I want to point out is to be careful not to look side to side and judge if people are disordered eating or not. If you're listening and thinking you have a friend that struggles with this, you have to be careful not to just look at someone's body and not just assume things. My two concerns here is people walk out with a grid they're using for other people or they walk out with a grid they can't use for themselves. Let's talk about how we know if we've got this struggle? Maybe we've never even thought about it until right now.
If you have concerns about other people having a disordered relationship with food, the truth is you can't tell from the outside through behaviors. Maybe you can hear it in the way they talk about it. For example, someone might say, "oh my gosh I was so bad this weekend, I need to eat clean this week again." You kind of hear them oscillating between good and bad food, and piling on shame around food, that's probably a good indicator. But just through behaviors alone, we can't tell. You can't tell through body size. It's all in the mind and heart. If you are concerned about someone having a disordered relationship with food, you can open a conversation and ask how they are. Don't go up to them and say, "hey, I think your behaviors are disordered?" I wish someone would have asked me how I was doing when I was going through my own struggles. From an internal perspective, there is a spectrum of disordered eating. There is one side where there is what you think of disordered eating - the obsession about food. Wanting to count calories, feeling a lot of shame around food, having a lot of food rules, etc. If you're noticing that type of narrative, I would check your relationship with food. Does food bring you joy? Does it make you feel mentally, emotionally, spiritually healthy or is it taking up a ton of space in my head? One question I often ask when I first see clients is what percentage of your thoughts are about food and your body? If you're thinking 70% or more, that could be a good indicator that there is something to look at and talk about. Then there's the other side which people don't talk about as much, which is using food as your crutch. You seek food for comfort, for joy, for peace, for escape, etc. That is also not what God intended for us. Food is lawful, but not all of it is going to serve us in the long run. If we're using food to fill all our needs, then we need to take a step back and ask who is the one who is going to fulfill all my needs? Because it's not going to be food. Those are kind of the two sides. Seeking food for everything or feeling obsessive about food.
A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD
It feels like when you say that the middle is this tightrope that's very difficult to walk. Given the week, I might fall onto one side of that or the other. Give us a vision of what a healthy relationship with food looks like.
I would say the first thing is that food is neutral. There's no good or bad food. What comes with that is you are not a good or bad person depending on your food choices - you are totally free from that. Reconnecting to your value and your food choices are just your food choices - nothing else. The follow up to that is you are well-connected with your body. What happens with disordered eating is there is often a disassociation with your body. Those rules take up so much time in your head or the body obsession takes up so much time in your head. So when it comes to reconnecting with your body, you know what food makes you feel good and energizes you. You know what foods enable you to do other things. Food and health is not the goal. Our body is a vessel and health is a vessel we can use to do greater things and serve a greater purpose. If you are well-connected with your body and you feel energized and well-fed then you can do those things! That's really where that middle ground is. Food doesn't define you, yet you can also stay connected with your body in a way that is honoring to God and also allows you to take care of your loved ones, have a clear mind, etc.
So it's not necessarily wrong to think, "I need to lose a little weight" or "I really don't feel good when I eat these certain foods." I have those thoughts sometimes! Gluten makes me feel foggy. It is a bad food to me and I do feel regret when I eat it, but it doesn't necessarily move into my identity. It's like a note to myself. It's more paying attention to my body than it is guilt and shame.
Exactly. It's just checking in. How are you feeling? What's going on in your body? What can you do for your body to feel its best versus it just being about your food and body size. There is such a balance. God does call us to be good stewards of our bodies and that's important. But when we forget why we need to be good stewards and we just think about our bodies, that's where the message can be diluted and confusing.
Can you speak to both sides of the spectrum? The person who is feeling like they're obsessed and controlling everything and then the person who is coming out of quarantine and has been comfort eating for a while.
I think of something you said earlier. You are capable of change. When we get caught up in these beliefs and patterns and habits, you can feel so stuck and that becomes your identity. You might say to yourself, "I'm just an emotional eater" or "I'm just obsessed with my body and I can't change." The fact is we can because we've been renewed. We have the Holy Spirit to guide us and that is so freeing. We don't have to be stuck in our thoughts or our beliefs. Those things can be changed. Regardless of what side you're on, you are capable of change and you can find healing.
If somebody is listening to this and they really want to take the next step, what would you tell them?
Two things: start neutralizing food. If you find that you have that belief about food and that's causing you a lot of drama in your life, let's look at that. How can we neutralize food? When we have polar opposites food, we end up being attracted to the foods we retract from ourselves. We say, "you are not allowed to have donuts" but then all we think about are donuts.
This is my brain. This is why I hate dieting! I can't do it! I never think about food until I diet. Then I just want a cheeseburger!
That's why neutralizing food is so important. What happens when you remove that forbidden fruit mentality, food just becomes food. You can start reconnecting with your body again. You can trust that you have the cues and you have hunger, fullness, and other biological cues to teach you and guide you on how to live.
Make sure to check out Isabelle on our website here and on Instagram here. I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I did!