Deep Friendship Happens Face to Face
April 19, 2022
Jennie Allen
Bible teacher, founder of IF:Gathering
You need to invite some friends over every single weekend. Y'all need to be doing book club together. It's not too late. Gather your people start back at week one of our discussions and process together this information.
Well, let's get into the three questions to wrestle with and ask your friends over the weekend, two verses to dig deeper into, and one challenge to take to apply.
The three questions
How have you seen the enemy divide relationships in your life?
This is so important that you know that the enemy is seeking to kill, steal and destroy your relationships. He is going to sabotage any good relationship you have you and your friends need to know that and you need to fight that.
Sometimes it's just our sin and ignorance or annoyance with each other. But sometimes it feels like all hell is against these relationships because it is.
In what ways have you chosen independence in your day-to-day life?
That list should be long in the culture we live in. the list of independent thinking and living should be long. We should know and notice that we are living this way.
What could it look like for you to choose one thing to fight back against independence this week?
What's one thing you could do to be more dependent on others? What's one thing you could give up and trust other people with? Maybe it's sharing something that you haven't shared in a while. maybe it's running an errand with a friend .maybe it is asking a friend for help. But what's one way you can fight back against that independent spirit that has just taken over in the West?
The two passages
Hebrews 3:13
Let us exhort one another every day, as long as it is called today, that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.
Issuing courage to each other, fighting for each other, believing in each other, and exhorting one another is the way that we are not hardened by sin.
For so many of us, that has happened, so we fight back and the way we fight back is we encourage each other.
Ecclesiastes 4:10-12
For if they fall one will lift up his fellow, but woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up. Again if two lie together they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone, and though a man might prevail against one who was alone to what would stand him? A threefold cord is not quickly broken.
This is very simple, nearly like a proverb in Ecclesiastes that says: it is just better to have people. You stay warmer, help each other with your problems, take on a bad guy together, and you can lift someone up if they fall.
It's just more fun yet the awkwardness, the way we get close to each other and the way we build this into our lives is real. It is worth it and it is better; we should be choosing it because it is not good for man to be alone.
The challenge
Quit social media for 48 hours. Just quit it; take it off your phone. Get away from it for the weekend. Take a break and be with real people in your life.
It's the weekend, make a plan, initiate, and create some fun even if it's just in your backyard. Have some people over. Have a great weekend. Let's go
Bonus: what do we do with our kids on social media?
My son Connor, who is now 22, started a company called 'How to outdoors' and it hosts fly fishing camps in the summer but has a bigger vision to just help kids learn how to be outdoors; how to hunt, fish, build a fire, and more. That's the thing that got him off technology. Here's what Connor had to say:
"Well, I and my best friend Walter Horton, spent all middle school running through the woods starting fires, fishing. As soon as we got out of school, we would go for adventure. that adventure was so much more fulfilling and fun even as a kid than any video games or social media was.
I had a flip phone until high school. Then high school when I got a smartphone, my social media was really limited. I had Instagram throughout high school and that was it. I wasn't allowed to have Snapchat; nothing that was secretive, and nothing that could be hidden. In senior year I got a lot of freedoms.
Every kid no matter what age, will hate restrictions. But in retrospect, it kept me out of a lot of technology trouble that I could have gotten in. Also, it didn't impact any part of my experience of my childhood or high school. None of those things affected those relationships at all.
All my relationships; my strongest relationships were built on memories, adventures, and stories. Also, a lot of them had a good spiritual base. However, the biggest part of those relationships was that they had nothing to do with technology. It was all about the experiences that we had together in person and for me, that was in the outdoors.
Real friendship is not going to come through the phone. That's the biggest thing that I can emphasize to any middle schooler or high schooler who feels like they're missing out. They're not missing out on anything. If they have a phone, they can communicate, they can be in the loop via text via call. \
If you're that kid that feels like they're missing out because you don't have access to certain social media apps or some group texts and you're struggling relationally because of that, let me encourage you to build experiences.
I encourage parents to get behind this as well because this can't happen without parent involvement. You should encourage your kids to want to host things, plan events, plan dinners, and work with them to create experiences where they can continue to build those relationships in real life.
They're not going to feel left out online if they are constantly with their buddies; doing life together and making experiences. Encourage your kids to plan those experiences and be willing to host their friends over. That will help them feel more included and more in the loop with their friends.
How much should a parent interfere with those events and dinners?
Well, you can go the extreme route; phone stack at the door approach.
I've seen it work really well. As the folks come in the door, force them to have real-life fun with each other. There's nothing more disheartening than seeing a bunch of people hanging out and everyone looking at their phones.
Who cares if one or two kids are annoyed by it. It will encourage them to get to know each other better and it's going to end up being a lot better for your kid. Also, you can have a lot of fun things that they can do that have nothing to do with technology; that will keep them off their phones anyways.
You're not taking away social media for them to not interact with their friends. That's important to make clear as a parent because there are so many other dangers with social media that I've seen that transcend your kid being more in the loop with their friends.
As a parent and don't be afraid for your kid to be the one on the outside. It is absolutely worth it. God calls us to be against the culture and to not conform to this world. Unfortunately, right now more than ever, social media is dictating the entire culture of elementary and middle schools across the country.