Can You De-escalate? How to Lead a More Peaceful Life
I can almost see it now... A true nail-biting experience, as we hear the challenge word given at an annual spelling bee where just five or six of the best spellers in the region are left standing, nervously awaiting their turn to hear their word, then repeat it and spell it back, flawlessly of course.
The word is de-escalate, a verb, tricky to spell because of the hyphen it contains. Its definition, to diffuse, reduce, decrease, slow, diminish, curb or scale down. Its execution, tricky as well, but de-escalation can be very important to the everyday life of anyone who interacts with other people, especially when opinions, ideas, emotions or really any communication at all might be involved.
When faced with a situation where de-escalation is necessary, a supervisor, co-worker, friend, parent or spouse may become just as jittery as the 7th grader at the spelling bee. What to do? Become defensive, laugh it off, change the subject or make an exit? None of these will resolve the problem.
Defuse is the first word that comes to mind, because it allows you to picture a fire cracker (or stick of dynamite) that might be just sitting there, with its fuse lit, on a slow - or fast - burn. Defusing means you can remain calm as you stamp out the spark or the burning fuse, saving everyone from the explosion that is sure to come if left unattended.
At work, knowing how to de-escalate any emotionally charged situation is invaluable to both a supervisor or a co-worker who needs clear communication. The steps to take are outlined here. When someone comes to you with a problem, you can help, no fireworks needed!
1. Remain calm. Listen and ask questions.
2. Repeat the issue back, as you understand it, in your own words.
3. Ask more questions to see if there is only one issue or more.
4. Figure out what the primary concern is so you can address it.
5. Answer the question to the best of your ability.
6. Together determine what the next step should be, if any.
Like pulling a rabbit from a hat -- or spelling spanakopita -- the skill of de-escalation will surprise and amaze your friends, family and co-workers. It can be used at home or at work and it can lead to a calmer, more peaceful life, and can make your interactions become windows of opportunity instead of doors slammed in your face!
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